Monday, November 4, 2013

Camping is Fun?

Domestic Divo is desperately trying to convince me that camping is fun.
He grew up camping and he absolutely loves everything about it.
Me? Not so much.
Sure, it's not that bad once you're there...if you don't mind dirt, sand, mosquitoes, spiders, bugs, covering your body in DEET, being hot, being cold, smelling like a fire pit, constant sweeping, dirty feet, looking ugly, smelling bad and not having space to get away from your kids.
Even if I did enjoy all of the above, I'm still not convinced that the 48 hours it takes to prep for camping and the 48 hours and 10 loads of laundry after camping is worth it.
And let's just get this out of the way now: I'm not even talking about tent camping.
Livie's "Too Cool" Pose
"Camping" = full hook-ups
"Roughing it" = no hook-ups
"Tent Camping" = my personal version of hell
Domestic Divo convinced me I needed to try it because the kids would love it and we would create so many amazing family memories.
So I did. I mean, how bad could it be?
We started out small...a quick day trip to the beach about 30 minutes away from home.

Beautiful Smiley Sunset
And while I spent a lot of time sweeping sand out of the trailer, seeing my kids enjoy themselves was enough for me to consider an over-night trip.

For our first overnight trip, we went camping with our close friends about 15 minutes away from home, again at the beach.
 The kids had a blast riding their bikes, playing at the beach & eating S'mores. 
The husbands had fun playing with the kids in the ocean.
My girlfriend and I drank wine and I had time to relax & read a book.
And while I swept a lot of sand, I also had a good time.

See? I'm smiling - fun, fun, fun!
Determined to really grow to love camping,  I agreed to a 4-night camping trip on the Colorado River about 6 hours away from home at Pirate Cove Resort. A bunch of our friends were going with their families and I absolutely love lake trips, so between being on the boat and being in the company of good friends, I figured it would be a winner.
And it was!!
We had such a good time. The resort was great - we had our own private beach all to ourselves and the kids were getting along and Ella's blood sugars were beautiful, even with being on and off the pump. It was the easiest camping trip I'd been on yet and I was! I even perfected my low-calorie lake beverage and coined it the "D-Lighted Momma." Don't worry, recipe to follow...
And then the Norovirus showed up and The Great Outbreak of 2013 began.
There were 7 families & 24 total people in our group.
The flu started with tiniest one - a little 18 month old boy and we all fell like dominoes.

Each day a new family was hit.
Stories of projectile vomiting and stomach cramps were told around the campfire each night.
Yet our family remained unscathed.
Convinced that the vodka in the D-Lighted Momma would help kill the virus, I upped my consumption.
The day before the trip was over, I looked at Domestic Divo and knew something was wrong.
He looked...awful.
In our 13 years of being together, I have never known him to be sick in bed.
He spent 6 hours sleeping in the trailer that day.
But when he emerged, he felt better and I thought for sure we'd been spared!
It was a D-Lighted Miracle!
Until about midnight when my stomach started cramping so hard I thought perhaps I was pregnant and didn't know it. I actually used birth class breathing techniques to get through the pain.
And while I will spare you the details, let's just say that spicy chicken tacos don't taste nearly as good coming up as they do going down.
And here's a fun tid-bit: After having babies, bladder control ain't what it used to be so every time I puked, I also peed myself. Which was just so humiliating that I started crying at the same time, sobbing to sleeping family members, "Oh no, I'm peeing! I'm peeing all over myself..."<<vomit>, <<pee>>, <<cry>>.
The next day we had to pack up to head home. I was a miserable, helpless, stinky wreck. No sleep and having experienced every last one of my digestive juices, I laid in the trailer moaning until Domestic Divo said it was time to go, at which point I tried to get up. I made it to the trailer steps and had to sit down & rest. For some reason, my loving husband thought it was so funny to take photos of me in my misery.
I think I'm saying, "Seriously, babe - just give me a minute" ---------------------------------------------------->
And then I started to get nauseous again, so I made my way over to a tree where I tried to empty the contents of my empty stomach and the photo snapping continued.

12 years of marriage, people. 12 years of marriage.
I'm pretty sure I was cussing at him in my head.
And then I started to feel really weird. And light-headed. And it started getting dark and I started seeing stars. So I sat down and said something to the effect of, "I don't feel right - I think I might pass out."
And the next thing I remember, I'm being carried by my armpits and legs and tossed into the front seat of our truck and I wake up just enough to think, "Huh...I think I might need to use the bathroom" only to realize it was TOO LATE and to be honest, I was too sick and tired to care. I'd already puked, peed and passed out. What's a little poop? 
I drank a bottle of Gatorade, changed into some clean clothes and suffered through a long drive home where I immediately showered and went to bed.

In total, 22 out of 24 campers were hit, including Livie who started Poltergeist Vomiting the night we got home and Ella who got hit a few days later after I'd already sent her to school and infected her classmates. (Sorry!)
So have I given up on camping?
We did just return from a quick weekend get-away at Lake Casitas where I was dirty and ugly and there were spiders and it was hot during the day and cold at night and I smelled like a fire pit and I swept constantly. But I maintained full control over my bodily functions, so I call it a win.

 The D-Lighted Mommas and S'mores helped.

I am happy to report there are no more camping trips planned in 2013.

D-Lighted Momma

6 oz Crystal Lite Fruit Punch
6 oz pineapple juice
6 oz vodka
1 oz Coco Real Cream of Coconut

Makes 2 (one for a friend, one for you)
Or drink it all if you're trying to fight off the Norovirus / have a fun time camping

Total Calories for 2 servings: 231
Total Carbs for 2 servings: 50 (sorry T1Ds...)



  1. Oh. My. Damn. I'm so sorry... But, man... This was funny. And so awful at the same time.

    Thanks for the giggles. And again.., I'm so sorry!

  2. Wow, that sounds like a pretty un-fun end to what sounded like a great time! Also, we went tent camping at Lake Casitas last summer smack dab in the middle of July and I was not impressed. Huge spiders, Angelina and I got heat sick in the afternoon and the water park was sold out of tickets. Total BS that we're sitting lakeside and CAN'T GO SWIMMING IN THE LAKE. That was not camping, it was Hell. I have not gotten up the courage to go camping again since then, much to David's disappointment.

  3. I am so with you on the camping....if we could get a camper with hook-ups I would consider going. My hubby however would rather rough it as in your version of tent hell! Not happening. Give me a camper in a resort and at the beach and I might be okay. Then again, we won't be camping for a few years with little man on the way. Maybe by then we will have a camper! lol So sorry about your virus. Not funny at all but funny to read. I am so sorry you and do deal with that and camping....

  4. "<, <>, <>"

    made me <>, <>

    i love your husband. precious memories captured on film.

  5. that was supposed to read vomit, pee, cry
    made me crack up, pee

    but i think the <<>> <> made it into a secret code

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